The Zoo
I am writing this today as a shout out to our humble relatives that call thier home the zoo. No, I'm not talking about you Aunt Diane, or any of my clan in Colorado. I am referring to primates, the ones that actually do live in a zoo.
I been thinking of them often, well the female ones anyway, the past few days as I've tried to eat my lunch, use the computer, use the bathroom, check the mail, make breakfast, or any other daily activities I feel the need to do. I thought of them as my 12 month old, Jack Henry, hung from me and my 3 year old, Annaliese, can stand no more than two feet away from me at any given moment. And I wonder "why, why can't mommy do just one thing without the audience".
So, in a realization of our kinship with these apes, may my grandfather never read this, because after he got over the shock of me asking him who Jehovah was, he a practicing Jehovah's Witness, I don't want him to think that I believe humans have any realtions with apes, I realized the female primates have it much harder than us. I only have my two children hanging from me, I don't have 25 children staring at me though a pane of glass, trying to elicit some sort of emotion or act of insanity. Although poop has been known to fling in my family, it's not from me. Children who have had too much to drink from the overpriced ,blue gorilla sippy cup ,and parents that want to take pictures of the trip to the zoo. "Oh, how cute, look at little Sara making a monkey face at the ape". All the while the female is thinking," Get this god damn kid out of here, and where the hell is the father of 'the one that hangs from me'. Oh, there he is, sitting in the corner checking out the new chimps, picking at his butt".
So if we have so much in common with these creatues, I wonder if they are available for babysitting. I mean I have every intention of paying, the zoo would surely like the little donations. And my children would have no problem with being part of a human/primate study. So ladies when you finish picking the lice out of your friends hair, give me a call.
4 comments:
Dear Summer,
I am a gorilla at the Oklahoma City Zoo. I am very interested in your proposition. Since money is of course no interest to me, I have some other ideas of how you could pay me for the babysitting:
1. I need a boob job in the worst way! I know you have noticed this, along with all the other people who come and gawk.
2. I want to get rid of the glass and replace it with someting a little less obstructive. When the annoying children (and sometimes adults) not only gawk, but yell EWWWWWW!! Look at her boobies! Or butt! I would like to be able to reply with the fling of a little poop or the squirt of alittle milk from my new rack.
3. I want to do away with the traditional "troop" setup. You humans have had your women's lib and now it should be our turn! Introduce a few more males! Give us females a taser or something to help keep em in line.
Hope we can come to some agreement! Thanks!
Hey! Summer's blog! You didn't tell me- but I've enjoyed finding and reading it. I gotta get me one of these!! Very sweet comment about friends and family- we are all very blessed. Love you- see ya later. Camille
Children do remind me of primates and that we have to constantly train them.
the first commenter must be the one and only keithclan herself. Your post was f-ing hilarious! Now you need to do a post on the exchange between you and your grandpa when you asked him what a jehova(I'm sure he would be none too happy that I can't even spell the gd word!) was. Now that must have been entertaining.
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